Plans

"But fuck-all has worked the way I wanted. Nothin never come to my hand the right way."

Brokeback Mountain, 276

This quote is interesting because it holds true through decades; plans rarely ever go as they were originally intended to. However, sometimes the best things in life are those that were unexpected.

In Jack's case, although his original plan to work in the rodeo didn't work out, it still seems like he has a good life. For one, had he kept working in the rodeo, it is possible that he would've been dead before he even made this comment. Moreover, he would most likely still be working unstable ranch jobs had he not married Lureen.

Most of all, even though he had not planned for things to happen with Ennis, they did regardless. Whereas in the beginning of the story, Jack did not even expect to become friends with Ennis during their summer ranch job, it turned out that he later on made a plan to move away together, though that did not work out either. However, they were still able to see each other and spend time together, away from everyone else. Even though their time together was limited, it was still valuable. It did not come to Jack's hand "the right way", but I don't doubt that he would've asked for anything less.

Courage

"Don't do it to Hoa...Do it to me."

(Bloodchild, 26)

Courage is when you are afraid to do something, but you swallow that fear, and do it anyway. This is exactly what Gan did. 

Although he grew up aware of what happens, having been told since very young, Gan was still hesitant in helping T'Gatoi remove all the worms from Lomas' body. However, he repetitively overcame any fear he had throughout the whole experience, and proved to be stronger than he thought. 

At first, Gan does not want to even touch Lomas, but then proceeds to excuse his mother from the situation and do what needs to be done. He acknowledges the gruesomeness of the entire situation and even though he was afraid and repulsed the entire time, he did what we could to ensure that his siblings and mother would not have to suffer through watching any of it. 

Despite the fact that he was afraid of experiencing the same fate as he witnessed with Lomas, Gan insists to T'Gatoi to "do it to me", instead of allowing his sister or any siblings to go through such an experience. Gan consistently overcame his fears and acted in a selfless way, for the sake of his family. Even if not all of his family members would do the same for him. 

Chance, or not?

"Though Joshua saw no one- he once passed me right by..." 

(Blorts, 144)

This commentary about Joshua is important mainly because it gives the ending more meaning. Up until this point, we are lead to believe that the narrator and Joshua simply met by chance. 

When they first met, Joshua claimed that he and the narrator had seen each other at the beach- or rather that Joshua had seen the narrator, while he had stared at Joshua's "blorts". However, the commentary from above suggests that this could not be true, since "Joshua saw no one". This then brings into question whether Joshua really saw the narrator or not. 

However, this is essentially answered when Joshua admits at the end that they did not meet, but rather that Joshua purposefully "picked up" the narrator. But in that case, did Joshua really have nowhere else to go when he asked the narrator to move into his apartment, or was that also a purposeful move in order to get closer to the narrator? We might be the last to know. 

Truth be Told

"The idea that anyone could measure herself against me and find that self wanting was truly shocking."

(Zami: A New Spelling of My Name, page 219)

The idea that Audre Lorde feels this way towards the end of the book, after everything she's gone through, is what is shocking to me. 

After reading about her relationship with Muriel, it felt as if Lorde was finally getting into a comfortable place with herself and her life. She finally settled down, and although did not live in luxury, seemed to be living happily. The fact that Lorde has gone through so many hardships, has survived them, and is still able to be in a place where she could share her life with another person is amazing. It is noteworthy, and something to be proud of. 

The way Lorde had talked about her life with Muriel and her friends, about recognizing (even if only with Flee) that her race set her apart from everyone else, and choosing to carry on as if it really didn't matter, gave me the impression that Lorde is more confident as a person than in the past. As if, even if everyone else didn't want to recognize it, she was a strong enough person to face her reality- and alone at that. 

Having such an impression of Lorde up until this point of the book and then reading that line really set me aback and made me reevaluate my impressions of her.

Friends

"Gennie was the first person in my life that I was ever conscious of loving. 

She was my first true friend."

(Zami, page 87)

Just the fact that the last statement from Lorde, "She was my first true friend", is separated from her other statements, gives this quote a very significant meaning. 

It is amazing to me to think that for fifteen years, Lorde did not feel as if she had a single friend. Even her group of "friends" that she spent the majority of her time with before Gennie were apparently not truly her friends? It just doesn't make sense to me that a person can spend so much time with a person or group of people, and not consider them to be a friend, whether a distant one or not.

This idea, that for fifteen years of her life Lorde did not have a single friend, says a lot about how her bringing up and family relations affected her social skills. Not only this, but to later on, after only knowing her briefly, lose the one friend she had formed can do a lot of damage to her psyche. To lose anyone, especially someone and the only person you have a close bond with, is a hardship, and I believe truly cemented Lorde's feelings for Gennie further.

Fact or Fiction?

"Yes, I am. I am your Butterfly."- (M. Butterfly, page 40)

This confession from Song closes out the first act beautifully. It is a simple statement with monumental implications. From very early on in the act, it is evident that Song is facing an inner struggle, between acting and conforming like a Western woman- tough and nonchalant- and showing her true, scared, fragile self.

When Song is first introduced on page 17, she is portrayed to be bold, and states that "I will never do Butterfly again.."

Song, throughout the course of the act, slowly gives in a Gallimard. Her confession at the end shows the stark difference between when she was first introduced. Though she may not have wanted to say it, it is undeniable. By admitting that she is Butterfly, she is opening herself up to Gallimard, and no longer denying who she really is. Butterfly may be a fictional character in an opera, but for Song, it is not fiction; she is not acting as Butterfly, she is Butterfly.

Cry for help

“‘But I’m a man,’ I cried, ‘a man! What do you think can happen between us?’” Giovanni’s Room, page 142

This cry from David sums up everything that he believes and remained silent about. David does not believe that anything can “happen” between two men. Regardless of the fact that David has been living with Giovanni for months, sharing everything, he still refuses to believe that two men can have a life together. In fact, it is not that he refuses to believe it, so much as that he cannot fathom it as a possibility. 

In the pages surrounding this outcry and the fight between David and Giovanni, it is infinitesimally more evident that David can only see living a normal life as a man being with a woman. He makes himself believe that he truly loves Hella, and is turned off by the thought of Giovanni as anything of importance. He cringes away from the thought of Giovanni, and shuts down. He feels nothing because he is afraid to- afraid to acknowledge what is so blatantly obvious: that he loves Giovanni. 

Accidental Friendship

"Don't you know when you have made a friend?" (Giovanni's Room by James Baldwin, page 37)

This question from Giovanni essentially condenses all we have learned about David up to this point into one statement: David has trust issues. 

Up until this point in his life, David did not let a single person into his mind or his heart- no one except for Joey that is. Since the night he spent with Joey, David closed himself off to the world. Even when he was in the accident that could have very well killed him, he barely showed a glimmer of emotion. 

As he previously had described so eloquently, he was a master of deception. David only said to his father the things which he thought his dad would want to hear, which resulted in being the things he also wished to believe. David fooled himself, wanting to believe that he was not gay and trying to forget that night with Joey which shaped the person he became. Being so adept at the act of deceiving, he even made himself believe that he loved Hella, and she very possibly believed him too.

No one in David’s life really knew the person David really was. And with good reason too, because David never allowed them too- he did not even allow himself to know who he truly was. He did not trust anyone to know. However, without even giving it much thought, David allowed Giovanni to begin to know him. He let him in, without even realizing what he was doing. His only regret was that Jacques had witnessed everything. 

Connecting the dots

“Except for these few unconnected things the dance faded to a blurred memory, its outlines mingling with those of other dances of its kind that she had attended in the past and would attend in the future.”

Passing, by Nella Larsen, page 78

As she had mentioned earlier in her description of the dance to Clare, anyone who had a dollar to pay for the ticket would be there. However, as she had made this description to Clare, alongside the general racial tension described in the book, I had an idea that this might have just been an excuse to dissuade Clare from attending.

I found it noteworthy that, for the first time in this book, there is a mix and interaction of races in a setting void of racial tension. Three-quarters of the book depicts racial tension and the one scene that is lacking is not as highly detailed. In the case where Irene feels infuriated and humiliated during the tea with Mr. Bellew, there is an extensive description of Irene’s sentiments and subsequent actions in regards to contact with Clare. Yet, an event of such importance to the community is shrugged off.

Just as the people in the dance, the entire night was disconnected and simply just a mixture of things. Those who attended came from a conglomeration of racial, cultural, and socioeconomic backgrounds; so incredibly mixed, that it is difficult to pinpoint where each individual might be from. This stark contrast between descriptions serves to show that although racism may have been the norm of the time, it was not the norm for Irene, which is part of the reason why she is so put off by her interaction with Mr. Bellew, but regards the dance so normally

Passing

“Irene couldn’t, she absolutely couldn’t bring herself to utter the polite fiction, or anything approaching it.”

Passing, by Nella Larsen, page 43

It goes without saying that there are many undertones in the Nella Larsen’s writing of this book. It has very strong cultural implications, especially for the time in which it was published. This being said, and acknowledging that racism is still present today, though not nearly as prominently as in Larsen’s time, I am choosing to focus on this line from the book because it is an aspect of culture that has and will always exist.

Growing up, there are very simple teachings which parents pass unto their kids: always be polite, say please and thank you, and always tell the truth, even though it is hard to do at times. In teaching, these things seem very simple, and are often taken for granted (especially in society nowadays, I find). 

However, sometimes these teachings come into conflict, as can be seen with Irene. In the case above, Irene is conflicted with how to regard John Bellow after all his hateful, racist remarks over tea. Should she say what is polite, or what is the truth? Or nothing at all? 

It is important that Larsen refers to the pleasantries as “polite fiction”. As it suggests, the aspect of cultures which makes people feel compelled to engage in small-talk and exchange pleasant greetings is most commonly simply the creation of an ideal taught to us as children that we must always be polite, especially in the presence of others with whom we are not well acquainted. Essentially, they are just artificial and mechanical sayings that come out of people’s mouths. 

“Great weather we’re having today.” It could be cloudy and uncomfortably hot and humid, but it still won’t be an uncommon thing to be heard said by a stranger. Where is the line drawn between saying something out of politeness, despite the fact that it is untrue, or saying the truth and being considered rude? How do you choose between the two ideals?

CP Feminist Perspective on Sex and Gender

“...the mistake...was not that they provided the incorrect definition of ‘woman’. Rather (the argument goes) their mistake was to attempt to define the term ‘woman’ at all.”

Feminist Perspective on Sex and Gender, page 16, quote from Judith Butler, 1999

This is just about my favorite line from this entire piece. 

Up until this point, there was a conglomeration of advocates, both in favor and in contrary of making the distinction between sex and gender, which presented a multitude of various different points of view. Although the points differed in theoretical content, they all had one thing in common: the assumption that what a man and woman is can be defined. 

For example, Nancy Chodorow suggested “...gender is a matter of having feminine and masculine personalities that develop in early infancy as responses to prevalent parenting practices.” (page 8). Props to Chodorow for at least acknowledging that nurture plays a large role in human development, and that nature alone does not determine everything. However, Chodorow put it into simple, definitive terms; gender is a result of something, and can be assigned. How could it possibly be that simple?

Butler’s view that we shouldn’t define what a woman is, is a modern concept in comparison to other ideologies. Although flawed, Butler’s theory at least also takes into consideration the portion of our population that does not identify as the same gender as they are assigned (either in terms of born sex or social classification). This idea that “...the transvestite’s gender is just as real or true as anyone else’s who is ‘traditionally’ feminine female or masculine male.” (page 18). 

Although this point of view is very altruistic, it is still flawed in that even though it doesn’t define the specific gender terms “woman” or “man”, it still assigns gender to physical (or expressed) acts. I find it contradictory that performing gendered activities can then make you that gender. So now, instead of defining the two (typical) gender terms, it is defining (or at least using social definitions) the gender of acts performed? And by performing acts that “make” you a gender, isn’t it then also necessary to at least draw out which acts to perform and how often you need to perform those acts to then become the gender? 

I can agree with Butler that it both should not be done and is unnecessary to define what a woman is. However, it is contradictory to then assign a gender to every performable act and state that gender is made by performing said acts. At least she started off on the right track. 

Writing is an expression of yourself.

My name is Maria Alejandra Huertas. I am Colombian, but have spent the majority of my life living in Miami. As a Hispanic woman, there are many stereotypes about the things that I should spend my life doing- namely raising numerous children, cooking, cleaning, and of course, being perfect.

Although, it can be said that the prior statement is what every woman is supposed to be meant to do. However, I feel that in Hispanic countries, this is emphasized significantly more. To this day, many hispanic women do not pursue higher education, but rather stay home and raise a family. Whereas in American culture, it is still very important for a woman to receive a higher education, despite the fact that they will not put it to use. Which is of course pointless.

My interest in Literature, Gender and Sexuality is just that: the ways literature historically portrays gender roles, and sexuality. However, what I am most interested in seeing is how this portrayal has changed over time. How would society today view me, a gay Hispanic woman?